Sunday, February 6, 2011

A bittersweet resonance

Let me start with something positive. I've managed to write a decent amount of lyrics for one of my projects these last few days, in addition to what I have written for this blog. Creativity has a tendency to make me happy and gives a sort of meaning to my life that little else is capable of giving (however abstract and absurd that may seem). So many a time during periods of hardships has creativity helped me manage to keep my head above the water. To have written that has felt nothing short of wonderful.

However, this dish does not come without a somewhat bittersweet garnish.

During the later years the eccentricity of my interests in creativity, and particularly music and lyricism, has skyrocketed. It is not that I actively seek the eccentric; I could not care less for what label it is given. What matters to me is the journey it takes me on, what it gives me, what it means to me, what it expresses. It seems that it is in the more remote corners of art that I find my home. Not that there is anything wrong with other types of arts. In my eyes the eccentric is not necessarily any better or worse than other forms, it just simply doesn't have the same appeal to me.

As I mentioned earlier, I have done some writing done for one of my projects. Incidentally, of all the works I have made, I've tried to make or wanted to make, this is the one closest to my heart. Unfortunately, the musical part of that project is suffering. I have some random fragments that I've managed to do something with, but in general I am struggling with it. I do often get ideas to parts I want to include, hearing them within the depth of my mind, yet I am still unable to make them tangible. Either my technical understanding of how to actually create it fails, or I have problems fitting it in to the material in the way that it was in my mind. Most of this material is forever lost to the beasts that devour memories just because they can.

If there is one thing I truly long for now, it is finding someone who both understands and appreciates the form of art I wish to create, as well as the driving force behind my creations. Someone who can "feel" the music and the poetic canvas I paint my illusions on. This remote corner of eccentricity seems like a dead landscape with no populace visible anywhere along the endless horizon.

I guess it is about time to go back to being joyful for that which I have achieved.

I leave you for now with a quote:
"A man is less likely to become great the more he is dominated by reason: few can achieve greatness – and none in art – if they are not dominated by illusion."
- Mr. Doctor

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